Red Hair, Don't Care

In the last few days, I've decreased my friends list on Facebook from 1,009 to 892. I've been throwing trash bags of junk out of my bedroom, and put some worthwhile items in a bag to give away/sell. I love my red hair. I've read 15 books this year. I've lost weight, gained a few pounds back, but I am planning on losing it again. I truly care about people, and have a killer sense of humor. I am great at doing my makeup. I am insecure...

but I am proud.

On the Loss of a Parent

With Father's Day approaching, I decided I would write about something that I have not posted much about on here:  the death of my father.  My dad had a jovial demeanor, was an avid reader and writer, and loved to bowl.  He was only 68 when he passed away, this past July on a lazy summer afternoon.  He had been battling esophageal cancer for over ten months, and was more than ready to go after fighting a hard fight that just could not be won.  It was obviously a very difficult thing for my mom and I to go through.  Throughout the whole experience, we had friends who became family, and family who became mere acquaintances.  It is hard to lose a parent at any age, but I lost my dad literally just a few days after turning 22.  I think this is an especially hard age to lose a parent.  People expect you to be an adult (because you are), but then treat you with kid gloves at other times (because you are still so young).  It is a very peculiar thing.  With that said, I would like to gently point out some things you should do/not do, and say/not say to a young adult who has lost a parent, in my humble opinion for what it's worth:

• Often people try to compare the death of your parent to the death of their grandpa/grandma, aunt/uncle etc.  This is usually meant to be a genuinely kind-hearted gesture...a way for them to relate to the pain you are experiencing.  PLEASE never do this unless said grandpa/grandma or aunt/uncle has raised you and has lived in the same home as you for an extended period of time.  I would not have understood that  at all before my dad died, but losing someone - even someone you see daily - who hasn't raised you is just is not the same.
• Do not avoid a person like the plague who has just experienced a loss.
• If you do not know what to say to a person who is experiencing a loss, be honest.  Tell them you don't know what to say.  It is more comforting to hear that than to hear nothing at all.
• If you find out one of your family members or friends have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, don't ask if there is anything you can do.  Of course there are millions of things you can do, so just do.  I know before I experienced the loss of my dad, I asked the same question to other people, but it is really hard for people to ask for help when they really need it.  It's human nature to want to be independent and to not want to ask people for help.  Don't put somebody already going through a hard time on the spot.  Do not be over-bearing, but offer to drive places if needed, grab extra groceries, or just take a small part of your day to make a phone call or send a text.  It truly makes a world of difference just knowing someone cares.

That's all I have for today, but I hope you found this post insightful or helpful in some way!  Like I said, these are not things I would expect people to know who have not been through a major loss, so from someone who has, please just consider taking my opinions into consideration.  Thank you so much!  And Happy Father's Day...to all the dad's, foster-dad's, adoptive dad's, dad's-to-be, fill in dad's, and dad's in Heaven.  To all of you who are blessed enough to still have your dad in your life, give him a hug for me and take a little extra time to appreciate him.  :)

Zig Zag

So many times, I wish I could tell my friends, "You deserve better."

Every so often, I wish I could tell myself,

"You

deserve

better.

 

 

You

 

deserve

 

better.

 

YOU

 

DESERVE

 

BETTER."

Photo found on Tumblr

 

 

Letter to My Future Self #2

Dear Future self,

 

How shall I even start?  I have written to you once before, and at that point I was young, with my first real boyfriend, and very naïve as far as love goes.  I didn't know what I was doing with my life, but will I ever really?  Though I am still anxious for the future, I am trying very hard to take things day by day. 

 

It is very sad to realize that the first time I wrote to you, I had no knowledge of the losses that would occur over the next few years:  most importantly, my dad and grandma.  I am doing alright now, but I can only hope and pray that you (Future Me) are/is doing better.

 

Anyway, I imagine you will do great things.  I don't know if they will be the same kinds of things that you thought you would do back in December of 2010, but who am I to venture a guess?  I don't know what outfit I'm wearing tomorrow (okay, honestly I,'ll be wearing khakis, my grey Sketchers, and some kind of Rend Lake College shirt because I'll be working, but you get the gist), let alone what I will be doing ten years from now.  And yes, Future Self, I do realize that was a weird run on sentence.  And yes, I realize the last one was a fragment.  And the last.  And the last.  And the last!  Okay, now I'm just being silly.

 

I can tell you this, if nothing else:  I truly believe in the person you are becoming.  You are becoming a better person every day...even on your bad days.  Like they say, "good things come to those who wait", and I just know better days are ahead for you, my friend.  I don't know how to end this, so see you in a few years, I guess.  :)

Best of luck...Love,

Molly

 

 

Letter to My Past Self #2

If you haven't read my original "Letter to My Past Self", click here.  I wrote this during my first semester of my first year in college, so obviously a lot has changed since then.  I would like to write a new one...over five years later.  Here goes nothing:

Dear Past Self,

 

How should I even start?  Last time I wrote to you, I thought I had been through the most difficult of hardships.  Frankly, I was wrong.  I have experienced so much more love and loss since I last wrote. 

First of all, I would like to tell you how much you will mature (emotionally) as a young adult, and that you will deal with things you never could have imagined.  Though you may not always see it, you maintain a sense of grace throughout all of your struggles that is absolutely remarkable.

 

Your education and career path will take an unexpected turn, but take note, that it is a very good change.  You will meet some very special children, and very special teachers, friends, and mentors who will become like family to you.  You will get your first taste of what it feels like to love like a mother does (but don't worry, we don't have kids of our own yet!)

 

 

You will also lose some very important people in your life.  All I can say, is treasure every moment you share with your family.  Give them hugs and tell them you love them often.  Celebrate every birthday and holiday with the utmost enthusiasm.  Very soon, those precious moments in your life will become only memories:  make the memories good ones.

With that said, plenty of people love you, and will take you in as if you are their own flesh and blood.  Some of your family will turn their backs on you, but other family members will pop out of the woodwork.  You also have a right to choose your own family by having the most wonderful friends.  Still, proceed with caution:  not everyone is as big-hearted as you are.  Trust people until they give you a reason not to, however when they give you a reason not to, QUESTION EVERYTHING.

 

 

In conclusion, don't stress out so much about the future.  Enjoy the little things, and live in the moment.  That may seem like the most cliché thing you've ever read, but you will soon come to realize how true it is. 

Love,

Me

 

 

Photos Courtesy of:  www.pinterest.com and wherever the Pinterest users got them from. :)

Alone and Bittersweet

It's really funny how things change as you grow older.  My best friends from high school promised me that we would always be friends.  We are not.  In fact, I only have one friend from high school that I see on a regular basis, and that is my best friend, Shannon.  Then I got to college and I met SO many people who were like me.  Most of them have graduated or done something else with their lives, and I am still here.  I have barely stayed in touch with any of them, except for the occasional social media comment.  The thing was, they used to be so much like me, but I have changed so drastically in the past few years.  I am a totally different person than I was when I started college.  I still love theatre, but it is not the focal point of my life like it used to be, at least not for right now.  I am an Early Childhood Education major.  Children are my life now, and I may never pursue a career in professional theatre, as difficult as that is for me to admit.  When I was eighteen and starting college, I thought I would be long gone at this point.  Now that I am twenty-one though, I see myself staying in the exact same place, at least for another year or two.  I have big dreams, and I always will; that will never change.  It just seems that as I have matured my old dreams have become new dreams, and my life has not turned out the way I expected it to.  I am both happy and sad about this.  I am at the point that I do not have much growing up left to do until I am grown up.  It's bittersweet really.  I leave you with a quote that used to be one of my favorites a long time ago back in the era of Myspace and high school:  "Be happy for this moment.  This moment is your life." -Omar Khayyam

Introducing Myself to Me.

In the past few months, I have become much more fascinated by plants than I used to be.  And art.  I don't know if I am just growing older, or if I am just growing more sentimental.  Perhaps my friends have influenced some of my new interests.  Then again, I know part of the change in me is because I am changing.  I am a little less lost than I was this time last year, and I am a little more decided.  Although part of me wonders if I have only convinced myself that I am less lost.  Maybe I am more deeply lost than I have ever been in my whole life.  Who really knows?  I may never know exactly where I am going, much like the wind.  I know who I am, and I am a drifter.  Or maybe not.  Maybe I say that for the sole purpose of sounding philosophical.  I'm like that sometimes you know.  Or do you?  You don't even know me, so how could you know?!  I will tell you one thing though:  I will never stop reintroducing me to myself.

Goodbye Summer, Goodbye Childhood.

I cannot believe summer will be ending in so soon.  I just want more time.  More time to hang out with my friends.  More time to think about the creative ideas that pop into my head.  More time to read.  More time before my childhood ends.  It will not be too long before everything changes, and where will that leave me?

 

Belated, Merry Whatever!

First of all, I would like to apologize profusely for disappearing from the blogsphere for awhile, with no explanation.  My computer had needed to be repaired for quite some time, and it went into the shop just a few days before Christmas.  With that said, how was your Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/whatever holiday you may  celebrate this time of year?  I hope you all had a very merry...whatever!  Hahaha. I would like to share with you a few of my favorite Christmas presents!

1.  Q & A a Day: 5-Year Journal

I think many of my blogging friends would thoroughly enjoy this, considering it has to do with writing.  It asks you a different question every day for a year.  Then, once you finish off that year, you start answering the same questions you did last year.  That way you can really see how much you have changed in five years!

2.  Polly Pocket Rainy Day Dolls

What can I say?  I'm a kid at heart. ;)  Do not be afraid to act like a kid every once in awhile!  It is a major stress reliever!

3.  Snuggie (Camouflage of course!)  As much as I used to make fun of these things, they are actually very comfy and warm.  As much as I hate to admit it, the sleeves are useful too, especially when reading. :)

4.  Pitch Perfect  GREAT MOVIE!  And if you're a fan of either Bridesmaids or Glee, I definitely recommend it!

5.  Official Betsey Johnson Purse  When I visited Chicago, I fell in love with the Bestsey Johnson store they had there.  The only problem?  Everything there was too expensive for a poor, college kids like me.  Luckily, Betsey Johnson sells some items that are more affordable at places like JCP.  She has a line called "Betseyville".  I am already in love with this purse!

So, did you all get anything new and exciting this year?  Did you do anything special with your family or friends?  I hope all of you had someone to spend the holidays with!  I guess next I will be saying, "Happy New Year!"

To Fake a Smile or to Cry Awhile?

Everyone always says that it is up to you to make yourself happy.  While I believe this to some extent, I am not sure that I totally buy into it.  After the death of a loved one, are you supposed to be a-okay the next day?  When a natural disaster strikes in your community, are you supposed to immediately get over it?

No, I don't think you should be bitter your whole life over something that happened when you were two, but there are just some things that are really difficult to get over.  Why should I have to be happy all the time, and how can I make myself happy if I am constantly being put down?  Sometimes, life just sucks.  Sure, I can fake a smile with the best of them, but why should I always have to?

To be honest, I am not just talking about deaths and natural disasters.  I am talking about friend problems, heartbreak, rejection, feeling alone.  I am talking about the little things.  Sometimes, I just want to be in a bad mood.  If crying makes me feel better in the long run, then why not?  As long as you do not become a generally negative, pessimistic, bitter, cynical person, I think occasional bad moods are healthy to an extent.  If you never feel depressed, angry, lonely, devastated...then how will you ever truly appreciate when something good comes along?



Photo courtesy of:  www.weheartit.com

I'm Such a Hipster...I was Indie Pendent Before it was Cool.

Hey everyone!!!  Happy 4th of July!!!  I hope you all have something fun planned today with your family or friends.  What am I doing, you ask?  Well, I am going to see TWO movies with my boyfriend.  You heard me, we are going to the theatre TWICE today.  The first movie we are going to see is "Brave".  I am not usually one to go see all of the animated movies; cartoon movies have never been a big thing for me...ever.  This one in particular however, I felt like I had to see.  The music, even in the commercials was beautiful.  Besides, this film seems to radiate girl power!  I guess Ryan and I will just have to see. :)

The second movie we will be seeing today is "Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter."  My own mother was shocked that I wanted to see this movie.  I cannot promise that I will like it, but I am hoping for the best.  I'm going to give it my best shot!

Other than that, we may hit up the local carnival for a little while.  What will you be doing to celebrate today?

photos courtesy of:  www.weheartit.com

Once Upon a Time

Once upon a time, she had friends.

Once upon a time, she was rarely at home.

Once upon a time, she was cream of the crop.

Once upon a time, she was queen.

Once upon a time, she was spirited.

Once upon a time, she was never left out.

Once upon a time, she wrote of how happy she was.

Once upon a time, she really was.

But that was Once Upon a Time.

Photos courtesy of:  www.weheartit.com

Truth Is...

Ain't that the truth.  Some of you may have been reading my blog for a few weeks, months.  A select few of you may even have been reading it for years.  So, I bid you the question:  Do you feel that you know me because you have read a few things about me, shared a few pictures with you? 

The answer is no.  You do not know me (unless you have met me in real life of course).  Don't get me wrong - there are many of you I would LOVE to meet, LOVE to be friends with.  I sincerely like some of the people whose blogs I have read, and people who have commented on my blog throughout the years.  With that said, it does not mean I know you. 

I know the people who I have shared secrets with, ridden in the passenger seat by, went to see a movie with.  I know the people who have sucked up to me, put me down, and made me feel inferior.  I know the people who I have been in pictures with, the people who have given me hugs, the people who have annoyed the crap out of me.  I do not, however, know you.  It may be a sad fact, but it's true.

I can think I know you, and you can think you know me, but that fact of the matter is we really do not know each other.  For all you know, I could be a 56 year old man from Antarctica in a civil union with a man who hates beavers.  Granted, I am not.  I do not even know if Antarctica allows civil unions, but the thing is you only know little snippets about me that I have told you.  You know nothing more, nothing less.  Think about this as your are enjoying the internet and social networking.  Though it is fun and a way to make friends, you need to see people, places, things, and ideas for what they really are.

Life Lesson #13: Don't Just Trust a Used to be Friend

Ever feel this way?  Yeah, me too.  It seems to be something that I feel quite often.  Maybe it's because I form attachments to people to easily, or maybe it's just that I'm not like all of  them.  Either way, it hurts.  It hurts when I see someone I "used to know."  It hurts when the someone I "used to know" acts like the same old friend.  This happens often.  Enjoy it, but do not trust this person again at the first sign of friendship.  I know this from experience.  Take this lesson from someone who has been there.


Life Lesson #13
Don't trust someone just because he or she used to be a friend.  This person stopped being your friend for a reason.  You can't give in at the first sign of friendship, as this may be a false alarm.  Take time to let this old friend regain trust.  Enjoy this individual's presence, but do not live for this person.  You know who I'm talking about.


Photo courtesy of:  www.weheartit.com



Finally a Real Blog!

 

Hello everyone!  Guess what...I'm actually alive.  Yes, I know you must be shocked, but it's true!  I just finished my second to last exam this morning, and I am more than a little excited about that.  Don't you hate exams?  You do all of that studying for one test.  Or maybe you don't study at all; how should I know.  Either way, I am sure many of you college students and maybe even high school students have had to take an exam of some sort.  I wish all of you good luck on your exams!

On another note, I still do not know exactly what I am going to do with my life...for the most part anyway.  I do, however, have one major goal now:  to be the dirt/mud girl on a Swiffer commercial.  Call me crazy, call me insane, call me whatever you want.  I don't care.  I WILL make this happen.  I have facebooked about it, tweeted about it, and now I'm blogging about it.  I have even had friends trying to help me out!  This past couple of days, it has become a big deal for me.  If you want to become my fan on Facebook click here to join in helping me out!  I am grateful for any help I can get.

Anyway, you finally have it:  a real, honest blog.  I know I have not written a true blog in awhile, so I really appreciate if you actually take the time to read this.  Thank you my faithful followers.  I <3 you. 

Photos courtesy of:  www.weheartit.com

I'm Back...At Least I'm Trying

I realized something very depressing when I tried to go to my blog today.  I typed in the URL like usual...and it was not in my recent search history.  :(  I have not written now in over a month.  Please do not give up on me my blogging friends!  I love you all, and I hope you will have patience with me.  I have been very busy since the summer started.  On June 9th, I celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, Ryan.  I am also taking a night math class on Mondays and Wednesdays.  I have no excuses for not writing, but I just hope you can understand.  I haven't even been writing in my journal as much as I used to, but I plan to start up writing again.  It's good for me, and it's something I need to do for myself and you.  Please forgive me!

Love,
Molly

Deletin' Like a Pro. ;)

Delete.  Delete.  Delete.

It used to be a contest of how many friends you could collect on your chosen social networking website.  Now, it is a contest to see how few friends you can have on your chosen social networking website.

Farewell, girl in bikini who thinks I'm cute, Xqroiwae J, and vampire man from Transylvania who loves long walks on the beach.  You won't be missed.
 

An Open Letter to Myspace

Dear Myspace,

Remember when we were such close friends?  We have shared so many good comments, but we were younger back then.  As we have grown older, we have distanced.  You have become more complicated, and I have become more simple.  We both have a different top eight now, and that is probably a good thing.  I do not need you like I used to - I am more independent now.  You will always have a place in my heart, because you gave me so much.  You were perfect when I needed you; I just don't need you anymore.  I will always cherish the times we shared, but I am overly ready to move on.  I will probably visit you every now and again, but I do not think things will ever be the same between us.  It's not you, and it's not me.  It is just time and change that is separating us.

Sincerely,

An Old Friend Request

Photo Courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

Life Lesson #9: You Are Not in Control

Life Lesson #9:  You are not in control.

Imagine yourself playing a board game.  In this specific board game, how well you do solely depends on the numbers you roll on those two tiny dice.  How would you feel if your life was like that - so dependent on chance?  Is your life like that?  In my opinion, it kind of is.  While you can control certain aspects of your fate, you do not have the ability to control all of them.  This is because there are so many other factors that contribute to your life.  the choices of friends, family, and even total strangers influence your life.  God also play a big part in your life, whether you choose to believe in Him or not.  Don't kid yourself:  not one human being has total control of his or her life. 

Photo and Graphic Courtesy of:  www.photobucket.com

The Fairytale That Has Become of 2010.

I have trouble trying to find good enough words to describe 2010. It has been truly ASTOUNDING!  Last year, I worried I was going to be infinitely single - that I was never going to find anyone who completed me. In my journal on January 1, 2010, I wrote:

“I know I started out 2009 the same way, and I sometimes hate to admit it, but I am SO TIRED of  being single!  I don’t know why I am so doomed to be single!  Maybe 2010 will be different.  Maybe I’ll find someone who loves me, and respects me, and appreciates me.  This is what I hope.”

...And so I did. :)  I went out and found myself the man of my dreams, and I really only had to look right in front of me. In 2010, I accomplished the one thing I wanted most.  I cannot believe I found a guy who fit my description of what I looked for in a guy so perfectly. I used to be so bitter about love.  I hated to look at happy couples because I was terrified that I would end up as the lady with fifty cats.  However, I did not, and I am extremely grateful for that.

As for everything else in 2010...wow. I mean, I had a great senior year of high school. I believe everyone who says that senior year is the best year, because it really is. With the way my freshman year of high school started out, I had no clue that my senior year of high school would be SO much better, to the extent that it was almost unbelievable. Totally unexpectedly, I was elected prom queen. I was humbled, unbelievably, by that whole experience. I won the award for having the most school spirit. I graduated and ended the long, but essential, journey we call “high school”. I was amazed when I was offered a theatre tuition waiver to college, along with a theatre scholarship. I cannot believe I was once the freshman girl who would stare down at the floor and who liked to make believe she did not exist.

With that said, I also started a new journey. I am now a freshman in college. I fully planned on majoring in theatre at the beginning of the year. Now, honestly, I am not so sure what I want to do with my life. I never knew it would be such a hard decision.  Other things have simply become more important to me than the theatre. Ryan, for example. I am not saying theatre is not at all important to me; it has been a huge part of my life for quite a few years now. I am just not sure how far along theatre and I will travel together, hand in hand.

I have definitely become a different person this year. As for lessons, I have learned many.  There have been people who have disappointed me this year, but of course, that is to be expected. I saw the flaws in someone that I basically considered to be perfect.  No one is perfect. Life teaches me that over and over again, every year. However, I also made many great friends this year. I never knew just how many great people I would meet in college.  I was amazed at how some of the people I met were, and are, so similar to me.  I have a wonderful life, and I am beginning to realize that more and more every day. This year (especially compared to last year) has been so incredibly easy. It has been a piece of cake. I have kept my emotions more in check and I have matured by leaps and bounds.

More people have pleased me than disappointed me.  One great loss I suffered this year was the death of my Papaw. It was totally unexpected and hard for me to cope with at times (even though I hardly ever showed it). I did not know how much I would miss him until he was gone. While that was a major downer, I still cannot forget all of the great memories from this year.

By far, the best thing that came about this year was my relationship with Ryan.  I think it shocked almost everyone who knew us when we suddenly got together. We had been talking for awhile, but not many people knew that our late night facebook conversations would soon become a full blown romantic relationship. Heck, not many people even knew we were having late night facebook conversations. However, I am glad that we did.  I know most people around my age say their relationship will last, and in a lot of cases it doesn’t, but Ryan and I are different.  I just know it will work out between us. I fully see us in fifty years, sitting on our couch together. I love him, and I am truly glad I have had to go through so many hardships to finally find him because now it is so good. I am glad that I waited to be with Ryan because some things are just worth waiting for. ;)

All in all, 2010 has been a blast. I look forward to creating a bunch of fun, new, memories in 2011 with Ryan and all of my friends. I cannot wait to see what this coming year has in store for me!!!!!