Souls of Christmas Past

Written:  December 4, 2014

Remember last year when we decorated Grandma's Christmas tree, as Dad sat and watched?

Now you are gone, Grandma is gone, Dad is gone, and I may not be gone physically, but my soul is fading fast.

Photo found on Tumblr

She is Someone.

She isn't that quiet girl anymore who blends into the background. She isn't that girl anymore who you pass by without looking back for a second glance. She is not no one anymore; she is someone.

She is someone who has loved a lot and lost a lot, hoped and dreamed a lot. She has seen a lot, she has done a lot. She has had many emotions, many feelings, but she hasn't felt nearly all of what she will feel. This has all just been a mere beginning to what will come.

She has had some good, some bad fortune thus far in her life. She is sure that she has not yet felt the ecstasy that she will someday feel, as well as the pain.

She has the soul of a grandmother, but she is still a child.

All she knows is what is now, and what was. She is not ready to worry about the future at this point. She is not ready for the next chapter in her life quite yet. All she is ready for at the moment is now. If she knows nothing else, she knows that she is someone, and that is really the only thing she needs to know.

She is great, but she wants to be greater.

She stares at the clock ticking and tocking. She wishes that she could totally take off her uncomfortable mask and not worry so much about what others think. She has let a select few people inside her soul. She longs to let in more but she is scared, so scared.

She thinks so much of so many people and a good amount of them don't even know. Why don't they know? Why does she have to be so worried?

She is great, but she wants to be greater.

She tries to be so good, and hates when she is not able to live up to her very high expectations. She needs to know that she doesn't have to live up to those expectations. A part of her already knows, but it is the other part that is the problem.

She is in a learning stage right now; it is a part of her life when she is feeling such mixed emotions. One day she is totally ecstatic; the next day she could be depressed and self pitying.

She is not sure if she even knows what it is that she wants anymore. She thought she had it all figured it out a long time ago.

However she had not figured it out; she had not figured it out at all.

Fate says, "Take a number."

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is." -Albert Einstein


I gaze into the silvery eyes of Fate. He tells me to take a number; there are many who have to go before me. I stand behind millions of people who are readying themselves to go and I take a deep breath and quietly whisper "Thank you," because it is not yet my time.

We think we need more time; sometimes it feels as if we get so little.

Is it that we don't have enough time or is it that we do not appreciate the time we are given? There are people who believe both.

I believe that it can be both in a way...

We might not have time to finish a small task for school or work, but will that matter as much in the long run as taking the time to have a serious, long-needed conversation with a good friend?

I am not going to state my opinion right now; it is not really necessary. I just think that it is something to ponder on.

Thinking about what will really matters in the long run can give us a lot of insight to our life, ourselves. It opens up a part of our soul.

Maybe all we really need sometimes is a little dusting out of the soul and finding out what matters.