Yesterday is Over Now.

9/19/15
Very early in the morning: 

Two years ago at this time, I was probably sleeping soundly in my bed. Little did I know what horrors the daylight would bring. Two years ago at this time, I was a little girl. I thought I was an "adult", but I wasn't...not really. I thought I had been through hard times, but nothing before would compare to what the next ten months would bring. My dad went to the doctor because he was having trouble swallowing. We didn't think it was anything serious, so I was not nearly as concerned as I should have been. Later that day while I was goofing off at home, my dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. My mom came in and told me...my dad was still out in the car. It was the most surreal thing to ever happen to me. When Dad came in, I gave him a long hug and sobbed into his arms like a baby. It hurts so badly even now to think of how strong he still was in that moment. His arms around me were just so...strong. I watched my dad turn from that man into to a lifeless body with glazed over eyes in a matter of months. I still miss him so much every day. I miss his hugs, the way he smelled whenever he cleaned up to go somewhere, and the way he would honk and wave every time we passed an SCT bus when he wasn't working. I miss the talks we would have, going bowling with him, and all of the silly nicknames he would call me. I mourn for the moments in the future that he will not be here for. My future husband will never be able to sit down with my dad, and ask permission for my hand in marriage. My dad will not walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. My dad will never get to experience being a grandpa to my future children. At times like this, his death is still very raw to me. Yes, I can be happy. Yes, I still enjoy life. Yes, it could have been worse. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I will always miss my dad, and I love him so much. I see him in people and things every day, and I can only hope that I always will. It's easy to take the people you love for granted, but I like to think that through my dad's diagnosis, sickness, and death, I have become much more cognizant of those I love. I appreciate all of the kind words people say to me, and all of the nice gestures. Now to end with a quote from one of my dad's favorite books: 

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.” -Albus Dumbledore

Pictures found on Pinterest.

Letter to My Future Self #2

Dear Future self,

 

How shall I even start?  I have written to you once before, and at that point I was young, with my first real boyfriend, and very naïve as far as love goes.  I didn't know what I was doing with my life, but will I ever really?  Though I am still anxious for the future, I am trying very hard to take things day by day. 

 

It is very sad to realize that the first time I wrote to you, I had no knowledge of the losses that would occur over the next few years:  most importantly, my dad and grandma.  I am doing alright now, but I can only hope and pray that you (Future Me) are/is doing better.

 

Anyway, I imagine you will do great things.  I don't know if they will be the same kinds of things that you thought you would do back in December of 2010, but who am I to venture a guess?  I don't know what outfit I'm wearing tomorrow (okay, honestly I,'ll be wearing khakis, my grey Sketchers, and some kind of Rend Lake College shirt because I'll be working, but you get the gist), let alone what I will be doing ten years from now.  And yes, Future Self, I do realize that was a weird run on sentence.  And yes, I realize the last one was a fragment.  And the last.  And the last.  And the last!  Okay, now I'm just being silly.

 

I can tell you this, if nothing else:  I truly believe in the person you are becoming.  You are becoming a better person every day...even on your bad days.  Like they say, "good things come to those who wait", and I just know better days are ahead for you, my friend.  I don't know how to end this, so see you in a few years, I guess.  :)

Best of luck...Love,

Molly

 

 

K.

Everything I want is so close.

I can only hope it all works out.

 
 
Photo Courtesy of:  www.postsecret.com

Lacking Inspiration Again

It's been over a month, and school will be knocking on my door...very shortly.

This kind of excites me.

I have become somewhat of a recluse.  I cannot put a finger on exactly why, but I am just not as social as I used to be.  However, I hope to change that.

I will enjoy the last few days of summer, but eagerly await the start of school.  Hopefully, that will inspire me to write more...

I'm Back...At Least I'm Trying

I realized something very depressing when I tried to go to my blog today.  I typed in the URL like usual...and it was not in my recent search history.  :(  I have not written now in over a month.  Please do not give up on me my blogging friends!  I love you all, and I hope you will have patience with me.  I have been very busy since the summer started.  On June 9th, I celebrated my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, Ryan.  I am also taking a night math class on Mondays and Wednesdays.  I have no excuses for not writing, but I just hope you can understand.  I haven't even been writing in my journal as much as I used to, but I plan to start up writing again.  It's good for me, and it's something I need to do for myself and you.  Please forgive me!

Love,
Molly

New Year's Resolutions?

This year, my boyfriend Ryan and I, tried to make a New Year's resolution to stop drinking soda.  It worked...until not too long after midnight.  Yes, that's right.  We broke it only a little while after the new year started.  So far, we both have consumed:  Ski, Sprite Zero, Coke, Mountain Dew, and Mellow Yellow.  Needless to say, we do not have much self discipline.  Maybe our New Year's resolution should have been to have more self discipline, rather than to stop drinking soda.

Anyway, I want to know:  what were your New Year's resolutions?  Have you kept them so far?  I hope you are all having a Happy New Year, even though it is just beginning!  I have a feeling this year will be a great year - I just know it.  I hope the same is true for you.  I know I have not written as much lately as usual, but I hope you can forgive me.  There will be a lot of exciting posts for you to read throughout this year!  I hope you all have a fantastic day, and the best year ever!  :)

Photos courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

Letter to My Future Self

Dear Future Self,

I wonder what you are like.  What did you decide to do with your life?  I hope you know, because I sure don't.  It's a tough thing:  deciding what you want to do every day for the rest of your life.

I am happy to know that you probably have a wonderful life partner.  If you didn't stick with Ryan, I'll be very disappointed in you.  I know he will always protect you and keep you safe.  You better keep him happy.

I hope the career you chose suits you.  I hope it is fulfilling, but also leaves you time for fun with family and friends.  I hope you are healthy, and still feel like a kid at heart.  Who knows, maybe you have kids of your own by now. 

Gosh, there is so much I want to know about you!  There are so many questions I want to ask you.  Did you ever get a tattoo, or any piercings besides your ears?  Where do you live?  Did you graduate college?  Are you married?  Do you have kids?  How many?  Of course you can't answer these questions for me yet.  I am just looking forward to finding out. 

I feel like I should end this letter with a profound piece of advice, but what can I tell you that you don't already know?  Maybe you should be giving me advice, but I know that isn't possible, though you are wiser and more experienced.  I guess you will just have to teach me what to do from day to day, as I gradually get older.  I bet you didn't do such a bad job with my - our - life.  :)

Love,

Me

Image courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

The Million Dollar Question.

“Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.” –Henry Miller


Is it possible to be too passionate about doing what you love?  Can you become so engrossed with one hobby, that your desire to do it eventually runs out?  It is a question that has been pestering my mind, as of late.  It is making me ask myself over and over again, “What do I really want to do with my life?”  What is more important to me in the future – having a family, or a successful career?  How do I see myself in 20 years?  Where will I end up?  There are so many questions; it can get to be totally overwhelming at times!  I know this happens to many college students, but I sure didn’t think I would be one of them!  I have had a plan set in place for awhile now!  I thought I knew without a doubt what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure. Lately, I cannot stop reevaluating everything.  I only hope that I can make the right decisions.  Thank God that everything happens for a reason. I hope that saying is true now, more than ever.

Music for All of Us College Kids!

Going to college is a funny thing.  It's like America - a melting pot of diversity.  With this in mind, I would like to share with you a personal playlist of music that I think is great for anyone who has experienced going to college - whether you have gone off to a university, or are just going to a community college like me.  :)  So...here goes:

College Kids - Relient K (I think this one's pretty self-explanatory...)

Don't Forget to Remember Me - Carrie Underwood

Break Out!  Break Out! - All Time Low

Fifteen - Taylor Swift (I know this is meant for high school freshmen, but it still relates pretty well to college freshmen as well)

Suddenly - Superchick

19 and Crazy - Bomshel

Teenagers - My Chemical Romance

Fingerprints - Katy Perry

The Party Scene - All Time Low

In Fate's Hands - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Forget and Not Slow Down - Relient K

Wishing Well - The Airborne Toxic Event

Stand in the Rain - Superchick

Vegas - All Time Low

Bigcitydreams - Nevershoutnever!

Letter to Me - Brad Paisley

Already Gone - Sugarland

Represent - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

The Freshmen - The Verve Pipe

Weightless - All Time Low

There you have it - my playlist for all of us college kids!  I hope you like it, and enjoy the music.  I tried to put a little something for everyone on there!  :)  Whether you are excited about your new college life, or dreading it, there is something for you.  I hope you can relate to it, and maybe some of the music will even provide you hope for your future!

Happy Belated Blogiversary to ME...Again...

Why can I never seem to remember my blogiversary???  Well, my blogiversary was July 2, and it is now July 10.  Last year, I realized on July 7th that my blogiversary was actually July 2nd.  I think there are still reasons to celebrate though - even if it is a little late to celebrate!

When I started blogging two years ago, I never could have imagined how many blessings my blog would provide me along the way.  I started my blog as a way to share my creative writing with others, and to possibly get some feedback. 

I remember not too long ago when I only had 9 followers.  It seemed like I would never reach the 10 followers mark.  I am, now, very proud to say that I have 24 followers!  It pretty much shocks me that so many people care about what I have to say!  I am now getting comments frequently, and I read and appreciate each and every one of them! 

There are not only people from different cities reading my blog, but also different countries!  This excites me more than you know.

These past two years have been so wonderful.  I am glad to be starting on my third year.  Thank you to everyone who has supported me.  I love all of you!  :)  I hope this coming blog-year is even more amazing than the last one.

And who knows?  Maybe next year I will remember my blogiversary...on the right day...

Hopefully I will grow more wise this year, and less forgetful.  Ha!

Until then though, hope you all have a wonderful day, and a year full of hope and fate!  ;)

N. D. Pendent ;)

One of the most beautiful and envied traits of America is its independence.

I hope all of you had a fun and safe Fourth of July!  (No matter what country you are from!) ;)

As for me, I celebrated by going to a carnival with my boyfriend, and then just spending some quality time with him!

What did you do to celebrate?  I'd love to hear from YOU!  :)

With that said, have a good night, and I'm sure I will be writing soon! 

May God bless you and be with you always.  :)

Photo Courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

Waiting it Out.

"Some things in life are worth waiting for...even if it means waiting forever."

I was sent the above icon in a text once before when I was younger and a lot more naive.  I was susceptible to falling for any cliche line of a skilled Casanova.  Now, I have set my standards a little higher.  I typically know bull when I hear it, and I also recognize sincere compliments.  Lately, I have heard much more of the latter. 

I used to think I just had bad luck, but now I realize that I am very lucky.  I might have had to wait, but one thing I have learned is that some things are worth waiting for.  It may seem like forever, but it's usually not.  You just have to wait, and your time will come.  I, for one, am happy that I had to wait.  It has made me appreciate so much more what I have now.  If I had not had to wait, the person who most deserves my appreciation now, would not be as properly appreciated as he is.  It may sound like a tongue twister to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. 

Whatever you are waiting for, your time will come.  You might have to hold out a little longer than you wanted to, but you must have hope.  Whether it involves life, love, or just happiness in general, it will eventually come rolling your way.  And when it does...it will probably be better than you ever expected to be.  You just have to wait it out. 

Photos courtesy of:  www.photobucket.com

Nice to Meetcha. (:

Hello there, everyone! Well, today is going to be a more personal post than you usually see! I am very happy to have gotten quite a few new followers in the past few days, and I would like to introduce myself to you. :) So...sit back, relax, and let's get to know each other a little bit better, shall we?
Yup, that girl right up there is me! It is a picture of me right before my graduation, on May 28th. I graduated high school! It has been an interesting four years, let me tell you. But enough of that.
I'm Molly! :) I am seventeen, going on eighteen. One thing you really need to know: THEATRE IS MY LIFE!!!!! I love acting - it is my passion, and I am totally in love with it! However, I also enjoy writing and psychology. I love to act, read, sing, dance, bowl, listen to music, and tons of other stuff! I love God!!! I spend way too much time on the computer, but hey, that's just me. I am a pretty shy person, honestly. It might take me awhile to warm up, but once I do I can be pretty hilarious, not gonna lie! I am also pretty deep though, which not everyone realizes. I have a serious side. I am very accepting and open-minded, or at least, that's what I like to think of myself. :)
Right now, it is summer (duh). The past few days I have pretty much just been enjoying that fact. I usually don't enjoy being bored, but it has been kind of nice not to have a planned schedule and routine. I am bowling though, on a summer league with a few friends, which is a blast! I have bowled on a league since the fourth grade, but I have only bowled on summer league since last summer. I am hoping to maybe get a job this summer too, so wish me luck! Really, I just wanted to write this blog so I could introduce myself to my new readers, and allow my old readers to know a little bit more about me! :D I hope you all have enjoyed reading it. And I would ALWAYS love to know more about you, so feel free to share. Leave me comments, and express your thoughts on anything and everything! There is one thing I would like to ask you to do before you before you go though...PLEASE VOTE IN THE POLL CURRENTLY ON MY PAGE! LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE MORE OF ON MY BLOG! I would really appreciate it! :) If you ever would like me to write about something that you do not see I have blogged about already, PLEASE leave a comment! I would LOVE to hear from you, in any way, shape or form! With that said, I hope you all have a great day, and a wonderful summer!!!
Love,
Molly (:

Just a Ripple.

Always competing, but never measuring up.

What's inside this burning cup?

I try, I try, but still I fail.

When will I finally prevail?

Why can't I just be happy with what I have,

and not constantly wish, and hope, and crave?

Is there something my heart understands;

why must I have never ending demands?

I know nothing, so what can I say?

I am just another ripple in an ocean wave.

I may look normal, but inside my head spins.

All I want is to hold hands,

and to be happy in then end.

But Most of All...I Just Believe.

What do I believe in?
Well...
I do believe in God, whether you believe me or not.
Obviously I believe in hope and fate. I believe that bad experiences happen for a reason, and that they always have the potential to make you stronger.
I believe in true love, and that one day I will find it.
I believe in theatre not theater. :)
I believe that if people should be passionate about what they love, because that is an intriguing quality.
I believe that just because someone has left your life for now, does not necessarily mean that they will be gone forever. It's all up to destiny.
I honestly believe that everyone has some good in them, and that everyone has some good to contribute to the world.
I believe that God has a sense of humor - just trust me on that.
I believe in respecting your values, but also having the ability to be open-minded.
I believe in expression.
Individuality.
Creativity.
Faith.
Love.
But most of all...I just believe.

Sincerely, Chipmunk Cheeks

Hey everyone! I know I have not had a lot of time to post lately (I have even missed a couple Ten Things Tuesdays!) Sooo...I decided to take some time now to give you a little update on my life.

I am home from school today because I got my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday. The picture you see to the left is a picture of me yesterday that was taken right after the surgery (hahaha!) I know I quite resemble a chipmunk, but hopefully the swelling will go down in a couple of days. I actually had five wisdom teeth, and normal people only have four. I guess that just goes to show you that I actually DO have a reason to be so...erm...weird. My mother was relieved. I just wish the extra wisdom tooth would have helped a little with my actual WISDOM!

Well, besides all of that excitement, I am now in the midst of rehearsals for the current musical I am in, Cabaret. I am a member in the girl band/orchestra. No, it is not the actual "orchestra" that plays the music for the show. (Thank you God!!!) I know that is confusing - I freaked out when I first found out because I thought I had to play the trumpet. I was really worried because:

1) I don't know how to play the trumpet. (Yeah, that would've been a problem...)
2) I don't even know how to read music!

Luckily, I just pretend to play the trumpet. I also am going to be an extra party guest. As far as I know, I won't have any lines, but I am still having a good time being in the show. Hey! I get to dance! Besides that, I love being in a show. Period. I have practice most nights, even with a fairly small part, and I have set constructions most Sundays which I LOVE. What can I say? I'm a dork.

I also have auditions for my school play coming up soon, and we are going to do The Mousetrap by Agatha Christie. I am really looking forward to it, especially since it is my senior year.

So, I don't really know what else to say besides that! I am pretty chubby cheeked at the moment, and can only eat soft foods, but such is life! I guess I will post something creative when I can find the time and inspiration. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this! Have a superbly wonderful day! :)

Sincerely,

Chipmunk Cheeks

My Feelings About Social Networking.

The following is something I wrote for English. I hope you like it!...

Social networking has become quite popular over the past few years. Websites like Myspace, Facebook, or Twitter are used by people as young as thirteen or fourteen to people as old as fifty or sixty. People use these websites for various reasons. A fourteen year old girl might use Myspace to post cute pictures of herself, or maybe she'll want one just because "everybody else" has one. A sixty year old man might use Facebook to reconnect with old high school friends or stay in touch with grandkids. A thirty year old single mom may us Twitter to update her family and friends on how the kids are doing or even to use her profile much like a dating website to connect with other singles in her area.

Social networking websites definitely have their advantages. However, they also have plenty of disadvantages too. Social networking websites are very dangerous if you do not use them properly. People are not always who they say they are on the Internet, and social networking is no different. Think about it. A social networking website is the perfect place for criminals - especially sexual offenders.

A forty-five year old man can pose as a fifteen year old boy and talk to a fifteen year old girl. It is really that simple. Almost everyone who knows technology at all could go to Google and search for a picture of a young by. After the problem is solved, everything else comes easily.

Yes, you are supposed to agree to the terms and conditions of your preferred social networking website, but can you honestly say that you read them? How many people don't even skim the terms and conditions when they sign up, let alone read them word for word? That is why I believe that nobody, especially young children, should put information out there that is too identifying. Don't post anything that you don't want the whole world to see. Just because it's "private" doesn't mean it's safe.

No More II.

If you haven't already, read No More. before you read the following post, because this post is a sequel to that post. The following poem was originally written 10/23/09:

No More II.

Goodbye my love, it's been fun.

You know, I see why you're always on the run...



Running from something, you can't get away.

You never will, in your heart I will stay...



Because I was the best you ever had.

I was the one who made you truly glad.




It is your loss not mine, but it is still very sad.

I can only hope you grow up, because I know you're not bad.





For you I feel sorry; for you I feel grief.

I hope you learn to turn over a new leaf.





I just hope I helped you in some small way;

That thought provides me comfort at the end of the day.



And with that I quietly say, "No more."

I cannot open a nonexistent door.




I bid farewell, I say adieu...

I'm sorry I have to do this, but I'm sorry for YOU.

I Do Not Have All the Answers.

For once, I do not have all the answers. I don't usually act this way. At least, I hope I do not. Lately it just seems as if I want to feel sorry for myself, and I hate that I'm feeling this way. People know me as a person who always has a smile on her face. I am the cheerful type; the one who puts a smile on other people's faces when they are down.
Trust me, I am not saying I am a superhero in any way, shape, or form. I just take pride in myself when I am able to brighten someones day. Right now however, I just feel as if I want to be the one taken care of for a change. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends as well as great family. It is just like I want someone to keep reassuring me that I am good enough or pretty enough or anything else that might make me more secure.
As depressed as I may sound to you, I am not. Sometimes when I get too happy though, I start to feel insecure. I wonder, does anyone else feel that way? Do other people know what it feels like to be so happy that you start to wonder what will be the storm cloud that disrupts your happiness? It may seem pessimistic, it may seem morbid, but what goes around does have to come around at some point.
I guess in this situation, me and anyone who might feel this way just needs to realize what goes around does come around, although it may sometimes be hard to see. So if it is bad now there is bound to be something good happen eventually. I suppose I just need to cherish all of the good moments I have, and know that when it seems bad it is bound to get better.

Let's Make the Year 2009 a Divine One... [Happy New Year!!!]

Well, well, well. 2008 was quite the year. I loved, laughed, lost, but most of all lived. It was a year of change for me, but I guess that is probably what everyone else is thinking too isn't it? Have you noticed how many people talk about how much their life has changed this year? Of course, it's not abnormal. Things change every day not just every year.

2008 was a great year, but I am looking forward to 2009 being an even better year! I am coming into it with optimism, and very much hoping it will be amazing! I hope I can strengthen my relationship with God, become closer to friends, make new friends, better myself, and find out more about myself.

I hope I can impact people's lives. I know that many people have impacted mine, and I want to give back. I hope that I get the chance to this year.

Overall, 2008 was a fabulous year. It was swell, hunky-dory, and just plain AMAZING!!! So tell me, did you have a good 2008? Please, respond...I'd love to hear about your 2008! Just the same, I wish you a great 2009! Let's all make sure we make the year 2009 a divine one... :)
Happy new year everyone!