Just the Girl Next Door...Or Is She?

She sighs, and realizes yet again that all she feels like is the "Girl Next Door." She knows she is capable of much more. She longs to be much more, but she is confused and unsure. Her heart is not broken, but it is cracked. Why does it seem like everybody she thought she knew is not who they once were?

She needs a constant, something concrete, something to hold on to. Very well she knows that she cannot hold on forever. She has been told that so many times that she could not even hazard a guess at how many times it has been repeated to her.

Once again she feels like she does not know anything. She tries so hard, harder than most, yet she is still the one that just doesn't know. It feels like most of the others know, even though she knows that is not true.

Her life is so confusing to her; she just doesn't understand. All she really needs is for someone to take her hand. She writes "I love you" carefully in the sand, and then watches it wash away, and loses her command.

After all the struggling, all the questioning, all the praying, she is still unsure of what exactly it is that she has. She knows she could be more, but understands that it will take time. She also knows, even if it does not feel like it sometimes, that there are constants in her life.

Most of all, she realizes that she is strong. She always has been strong, and always will be. There are times when she feels weak, but compared to most she has a great amount of strength. She silently admits that this will make her last a while longer...

White Crayons.

I have just been thinking about a little quote I found; one you might find on a computer graphic or a hokey T-shirt. It seems random and silly at first, but being me I found a special meaning behind it.

The quote goes like this: "I don't understand white crayons. Why are they here? What do they want from us?"

The first time I saw this quote I thought it was cute and witty, but did not know when I looked deeper into it that it would seem philosophical to me.

White crayons can represent all of those annoying people or stressful situations in our lives. We don't always know why we have to put up with "that one person" or deal with a seemingly horrible situation.

However, there are always reasons for these people or situations. Maybe we will see that in the near future. Maybe we will not see it for many years. Maybe we will never understand at all why things go the way that they go.

No matter what we may or may not see though, there is still a point.

White crayons might not show up on white paper, but as long as you have a piece of black paper white crayons will show up just fine!

There are certain people and situations that might not be necessary for you, but might be the best thing for someone else. Maybe someone is not right for you, but is perfect for another person. Or perhaps they are just an old, broken crayon that just needs to be thrown away all together!

Either way, as I continue to firmly believe, there is a reason for everything.
After all...even white crayons are useful for something. :)

She is great, but she wants to be greater.

She stares at the clock ticking and tocking. She wishes that she could totally take off her uncomfortable mask and not worry so much about what others think. She has let a select few people inside her soul. She longs to let in more but she is scared, so scared.

She thinks so much of so many people and a good amount of them don't even know. Why don't they know? Why does she have to be so worried?

She is great, but she wants to be greater.

She tries to be so good, and hates when she is not able to live up to her very high expectations. She needs to know that she doesn't have to live up to those expectations. A part of her already knows, but it is the other part that is the problem.

She is in a learning stage right now; it is a part of her life when she is feeling such mixed emotions. One day she is totally ecstatic; the next day she could be depressed and self pitying.

She is not sure if she even knows what it is that she wants anymore. She thought she had it all figured it out a long time ago.

However she had not figured it out; she had not figured it out at all.

Fate says, "Take a number."

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is." -Albert Einstein


I gaze into the silvery eyes of Fate. He tells me to take a number; there are many who have to go before me. I stand behind millions of people who are readying themselves to go and I take a deep breath and quietly whisper "Thank you," because it is not yet my time.

We think we need more time; sometimes it feels as if we get so little.

Is it that we don't have enough time or is it that we do not appreciate the time we are given? There are people who believe both.

I believe that it can be both in a way...

We might not have time to finish a small task for school or work, but will that matter as much in the long run as taking the time to have a serious, long-needed conversation with a good friend?

I am not going to state my opinion right now; it is not really necessary. I just think that it is something to ponder on.

Thinking about what will really matters in the long run can give us a lot of insight to our life, ourselves. It opens up a part of our soul.

Maybe all we really need sometimes is a little dusting out of the soul and finding out what matters.