Letter to My Past Self #2

If you haven't read my original "Letter to My Past Self", click here.  I wrote this during my first semester of my first year in college, so obviously a lot has changed since then.  I would like to write a new one...over five years later.  Here goes nothing:

Dear Past Self,

 

How should I even start?  Last time I wrote to you, I thought I had been through the most difficult of hardships.  Frankly, I was wrong.  I have experienced so much more love and loss since I last wrote. 

First of all, I would like to tell you how much you will mature (emotionally) as a young adult, and that you will deal with things you never could have imagined.  Though you may not always see it, you maintain a sense of grace throughout all of your struggles that is absolutely remarkable.

 

Your education and career path will take an unexpected turn, but take note, that it is a very good change.  You will meet some very special children, and very special teachers, friends, and mentors who will become like family to you.  You will get your first taste of what it feels like to love like a mother does (but don't worry, we don't have kids of our own yet!)

 

 

You will also lose some very important people in your life.  All I can say, is treasure every moment you share with your family.  Give them hugs and tell them you love them often.  Celebrate every birthday and holiday with the utmost enthusiasm.  Very soon, those precious moments in your life will become only memories:  make the memories good ones.

With that said, plenty of people love you, and will take you in as if you are their own flesh and blood.  Some of your family will turn their backs on you, but other family members will pop out of the woodwork.  You also have a right to choose your own family by having the most wonderful friends.  Still, proceed with caution:  not everyone is as big-hearted as you are.  Trust people until they give you a reason not to, however when they give you a reason not to, QUESTION EVERYTHING.

 

 

In conclusion, don't stress out so much about the future.  Enjoy the little things, and live in the moment.  That may seem like the most cliché thing you've ever read, but you will soon come to realize how true it is. 

Love,

Me

 

 

Photos Courtesy of:  www.pinterest.com and wherever the Pinterest users got them from. :)

Commatose.

A multitude of wise people have said,

"Don't trust anyone but yourself."

What they don't tell you is,,,

sometimes you can't even trust yourself.

But Most of All...I Just Believe.

What do I believe in?
Well...
I do believe in God, whether you believe me or not.
Obviously I believe in hope and fate. I believe that bad experiences happen for a reason, and that they always have the potential to make you stronger.
I believe in true love, and that one day I will find it.
I believe in theatre not theater. :)
I believe that if people should be passionate about what they love, because that is an intriguing quality.
I believe that just because someone has left your life for now, does not necessarily mean that they will be gone forever. It's all up to destiny.
I honestly believe that everyone has some good in them, and that everyone has some good to contribute to the world.
I believe that God has a sense of humor - just trust me on that.
I believe in respecting your values, but also having the ability to be open-minded.
I believe in expression.
Individuality.
Creativity.
Faith.
Love.
But most of all...I just believe.

Withdrawn.

She has withdrawn, and she knows it. It seems that she does not know how to interact with anyone anymore; her voice shakes, her hands tremble. What is wrong with me? she wonders. It feels as if the answer should be on the tip of her tongue, but nothing comes to mind.

She feels not so much that she has been abandoned, but that she has allowed people to abandon her. It isn't always easy to make friends with someone who does not trust anyone, and hides all of her feelings. She is afraid to be around people, but she is almost more afraid to be alone.

What started this cycle? When will it all end? All she knows for sure is that she is ready to find out...

Going Away From the Flow.

Suddenly it hits her like a bucket of freezing water after just waking up in the morning. Everything that has been clogging up her brain finally releases itself from her head. The problem is that she doesn't know who she is anymore. Used to, these things seemed to be so easy to figure out for her. Now, she questions herself constantly. Am I happy or depressed? Am I really lonely, or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Am I trapped, or do I not want to be free?
She thinks maybe that this is just something everyone goes through, but she really doesn't know. She is tired of feeling numb, and full of emotions at the same time. However, it is hard when she never knows whether to show her emotions to other people, or to hide them. Who can she trust anymore? Honestly? The world keeps showing her over and over again that she can only trust herself, but yet she seems to trust others so easily! Sometimes, she doesn't know whether it's a blessing or a curse!
She is tired of just going with the flow and just waiting for something to happen, but what other choice does she have?! She wants to cannon ball into the water (freezing or not), but she doesn't even know how to jump! And if she did know how to jump, who would be there to catch her anyway? She is so unsure anymore. She wants to separate herself from the flow. She wants to flee from it with the burning passion resonating in her heart...
But how?

Run Like the Wind.

She hears the crunch of the leaves beneath her, as she feels the chilly, autumn air blow gently on her face. She isn't sure where she's going, but she doesn't care. All she wants to do is run. She wants to run and not stop until she gets to some place that she's meant to be.
Crunch Crunch Crunch
As she gets farther and farther away from the place she has called home her entire life, she wonders. Is this the road I am supposed to take? Is this the path I am meant to travel? How can I say it isn't when I don't even know where "it" is?
She stops. She takes a moment to wipe the cold sweat off of her face; she needs a moment to gather her thoughts.
She decides that she must be going where she is supposed to go. She is meant to be wherever she is in that exact moment, because that is the only thing in life she can believe in. She can't trust anyone but herself. No matter what happens, she will just go with the flow. She won't let anything break her.
With that thought behind her, she continues to run like the wind, and vows to herself she will keep running until her heart tells her when to stop.

This is the Truth...Or is it?

And she has learned that she can trust no one in this world full of lies, deceit, and mistrust. The only one she can truly rely on to be there no matter what is herself.

Some say that everyone lies, but how can you know that to be the truth? How do you know that it is not just another lie that people have spread around for so long that it has become the truth?

What is the truth anymore? WHAT IS THE TRUTH??? Is the truth what we think to be the truth or what we know to be the truth?

She knows there is truth out there that still exists, but she just doesn't know where to find it.

And if she does find it how will she know? When everything she knows is a lie, will she recognize truth when she sees it?

I Do Not Have All the Answers.

For once, I do not have all the answers. I don't usually act this way. At least, I hope I do not. Lately it just seems as if I want to feel sorry for myself, and I hate that I'm feeling this way. People know me as a person who always has a smile on her face. I am the cheerful type; the one who puts a smile on other people's faces when they are down.
Trust me, I am not saying I am a superhero in any way, shape, or form. I just take pride in myself when I am able to brighten someones day. Right now however, I just feel as if I want to be the one taken care of for a change. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends as well as great family. It is just like I want someone to keep reassuring me that I am good enough or pretty enough or anything else that might make me more secure.
As depressed as I may sound to you, I am not. Sometimes when I get too happy though, I start to feel insecure. I wonder, does anyone else feel that way? Do other people know what it feels like to be so happy that you start to wonder what will be the storm cloud that disrupts your happiness? It may seem pessimistic, it may seem morbid, but what goes around does have to come around at some point.
I guess in this situation, me and anyone who might feel this way just needs to realize what goes around does come around, although it may sometimes be hard to see. So if it is bad now there is bound to be something good happen eventually. I suppose I just need to cherish all of the good moments I have, and know that when it seems bad it is bound to get better.

You...and You Alone.

"The only thing you need is me," he says. "I'll make you happy; I'll be everything you'll ever need or want." "Okay," she hesitantly gives in. She wants to trust him, but part of her still doesn't. She can't. How can she trust him when so many others have let her down? She knows she has to trust someone eventually, but is it time yet? Is it time to let her guard down?

Well, let's do this. And so what if it doesn't work out? Then at least she can say she tried.

Will she succeed or fail? Come out with flying colors, or drop out of the race? You want to know who it is really up to? It's up to you...and you alone.

The Explanation That You Have Been Waiting For...

My good friend asked me a very thought-provoking question recently, and in an attempt to answer him I will write this scientific article. I have spent many hours researching this topic, and I finally came to some conclusions. I am sure you will all be glad to know the answer to the very controversial question: "How do they get the cream in the Twinkie?"

Maybe you have wondered this yourself, or maybe I just inspired you by getting you to think about something that you had never questioned before. Either way, I hope what I present is helpful so you question Twinkies no more!

First of all, you have to understand that this information must be kept as confidential as possible. I trust you reading this to keep it within the scientific community. If the answer got out, the Twinkie population would be destroyed as we know it! Out of respect to me and your fellow Twinkiemen, please abide by this one rule.

The answer is very simple: it is all through the hard work of the Twinkie Fairies. They spend every day, and many long nights, concocting the perfect Twinkie filling. It has to be the perfect texture, the perfect taste, the perfect scent, and the perfect everything. (The fairies are very picky when it comes to making the absolutely perfect creation!)

They then march their little fairy butts right into the Twinkie, determined to complete the job. Gently, with their tiny hands, they distribute the delicate cream throughout the Twinkie.

When the hard-working Twinkie Fairies get done with one Twinkie, they immediately start to work on the next one...so the first Twinkie will have a twin! When a Twinkie is finished, the fairies take a satisfied step back to admire the result of their hard work for a few moments. Finally, the Twinkie is wrapped up and placed in a Hostess box with other pairs of Twinkies, never to be seen by the Twinkie Fairies again.

You see, this question I just explained to you in detail was not a very difficult question to answer. It is very easy to understand once you do some research or have it explained to you! I hope that the chosen few able to read this secret, scientific, article now need not question anymore how the creamy filling gets in the Twinkie!

-Over & Out until next time: Dr. Molly XYZ

The Title of This is Quite Long in Proportion to the Actual Paragraph.

Why is it that sometimes silence can be so unbearably loud?

Why can someone feel totally alone in a crowd full of people?

Unfortunately, I've been there.

Actually, in the end it was quite fortunate because it made me who I am. Now I am able to have an optimistic outlook and see that.

Most of us go ask questions to ourselves on a regular basis. Perhaps you question yourself multiple times a day.

Maybe it isn't all about the questions though; maybe it's more about the answers.

However, sometimes we must just trust ourselves enough to not second guess everything anymore...to just live and see what happens.

Is Ignorance Always Bliss?

Certain people are just so ignorant sometimes. They are full of themselves, yet insecure. You can hear them lament from miles away out of their own self pity.

However this is not always obvious to everyone. Sometimes it takes a long time to figure out whether a person is real or fake. So many people are not real today because they strive to be like a Barbie doll or maybe it is just their personality.

There are also people who try to be genuinely real most of the time, but we all mess up sometimes. Obviously we are not all perfect, and that is okay. It is just that some people get to the point of being fake, that you don't know what to think is the truth anymore. You do not know if what they do or say is the truth or just another lie.

It gets to me when someone begs and begs for something that they don't even care enough to give in return, to a person who has also begged and begged to them. That might not make sense to everyone, but it has a good point and it makes a darn lot of sense to me.

I wish people would not be so thoughtless to ask for something that they will not give back. I am not saying if you give someone a Christmas present they should give you one. I am not even speaking in terms of material things. I am saying that if you ask for kindness from someone else you should probably be kind in return.

I think this applies for many attributes like kindness and trust. Of course there are mistakes or problems or disagreements every once in awhile, but I feel that if all of the participants in the relationship are willing, then some kind of peaceful decision can be made.

Maybe we are not able to see all people for who they really are all the time. However, sometimes we need to take the responsibility for opening our own eyes...

Feelings & Trust.

Sometimes you just have to do what feels right. You are not always able to know whether it will be right ten years from now, but sometimes you just have to take that chance. Risks can provide you with some of the best feelings in life. They can also provide you with some of the worst feelings in life. Either way it is important to have experience with different kinds of feelings whether that feeling is ecstatic or heartbroken. Look at "the little rich girl" who seems to always get her way. She does not know how to feel compassion for a human being who is less fortunate than her.
I have definitely had my fair share of feelings. If you know me very well at all you should already know that. I have taken at least a couple of major risks, but I hope to take more in the future. Sometimes there is someone or something that you have to trust. Whether it is yourself you are trying to trust or someone else, eventually your heart just tells you that you need to have faith in something or someone. I believe that it is natural human nature to feel that way. There are times we need to just peel the layer of protection off of our hearts. We need to have faith in ourselves and others enough to be open to trust...