Letter to My Past Self #2

If you haven't read my original "Letter to My Past Self", click here.  I wrote this during my first semester of my first year in college, so obviously a lot has changed since then.  I would like to write a new one...over five years later.  Here goes nothing:

Dear Past Self,

 

How should I even start?  Last time I wrote to you, I thought I had been through the most difficult of hardships.  Frankly, I was wrong.  I have experienced so much more love and loss since I last wrote. 

First of all, I would like to tell you how much you will mature (emotionally) as a young adult, and that you will deal with things you never could have imagined.  Though you may not always see it, you maintain a sense of grace throughout all of your struggles that is absolutely remarkable.

 

Your education and career path will take an unexpected turn, but take note, that it is a very good change.  You will meet some very special children, and very special teachers, friends, and mentors who will become like family to you.  You will get your first taste of what it feels like to love like a mother does (but don't worry, we don't have kids of our own yet!)

 

 

You will also lose some very important people in your life.  All I can say, is treasure every moment you share with your family.  Give them hugs and tell them you love them often.  Celebrate every birthday and holiday with the utmost enthusiasm.  Very soon, those precious moments in your life will become only memories:  make the memories good ones.

With that said, plenty of people love you, and will take you in as if you are their own flesh and blood.  Some of your family will turn their backs on you, but other family members will pop out of the woodwork.  You also have a right to choose your own family by having the most wonderful friends.  Still, proceed with caution:  not everyone is as big-hearted as you are.  Trust people until they give you a reason not to, however when they give you a reason not to, QUESTION EVERYTHING.

 

 

In conclusion, don't stress out so much about the future.  Enjoy the little things, and live in the moment.  That may seem like the most cliché thing you've ever read, but you will soon come to realize how true it is. 

Love,

Me

 

 

Photos Courtesy of:  www.pinterest.com and wherever the Pinterest users got them from. :)

I'm worse than a sad and angsty teenage girl...

 

Last night, one of our usual customers came into the store I have worked at for over two years and referred to me as a "keeper".  I immediately thought of one of my favorite poems, and began to wonder what exactly she meant when she called me that.  If I am such a "keeper", then why does no one want to keep me?  Perhaps, I am a "keeper", because I am the one who holds onto things for far too long.

 

And that in itself is so very sad.

Truth Is...

Ain't that the truth.  Some of you may have been reading my blog for a few weeks, months.  A select few of you may even have been reading it for years.  So, I bid you the question:  Do you feel that you know me because you have read a few things about me, shared a few pictures with you? 

The answer is no.  You do not know me (unless you have met me in real life of course).  Don't get me wrong - there are many of you I would LOVE to meet, LOVE to be friends with.  I sincerely like some of the people whose blogs I have read, and people who have commented on my blog throughout the years.  With that said, it does not mean I know you. 

I know the people who I have shared secrets with, ridden in the passenger seat by, went to see a movie with.  I know the people who have sucked up to me, put me down, and made me feel inferior.  I know the people who I have been in pictures with, the people who have given me hugs, the people who have annoyed the crap out of me.  I do not, however, know you.  It may be a sad fact, but it's true.

I can think I know you, and you can think you know me, but that fact of the matter is we really do not know each other.  For all you know, I could be a 56 year old man from Antarctica in a civil union with a man who hates beavers.  Granted, I am not.  I do not even know if Antarctica allows civil unions, but the thing is you only know little snippets about me that I have told you.  You know nothing more, nothing less.  Think about this as your are enjoying the internet and social networking.  Though it is fun and a way to make friends, you need to see people, places, things, and ideas for what they really are.

Queen of the Weird

Queen of the World
Or Queen of the Weird?

Beard with a lady
Or lady with a beard?

Questions no answers
Answers make no sense

A penny for your thoughts
No need to mince

Words of a feather
Pods of a pea

They go together
Like the bee's knees

You are funny
And so are your bones

You make me laugh
You make me moan

Silly person
Let's be alive

Cheers to us!
Low and high five!


Photo Courtesy of:  www.weheartit.com

Feather Extensions: Yay or Nay?

I logged in just now, and realized it has been over a month since I have posted a blog!  I feel horrible about that, especially since I keep saying I want to get back on track.  I truly do want to get back on track; I guess I have just had a hard time with my focus and motivation.

With that aside, today I want to ask you all a question.  What do all of you think of the new "fad" that is feather hair extensions?  Do you think they are a good alternative to dying your hair?  Personally, I have two, and I love them to death.  I have gotten highlights before, but I have never really been allowed or able to dye my hair, partially because it is so thin.  However, when I was getting my hair done not too long ago, I saw a sign advertising feather hair extensions.  I had seen them a couple times before, but I had never thought too much about them.  I am not a slave to all of the newest hair trends (obviously since I have never dyed my hair), but these feather extensions I now have seemed like a great way to express my personality without going overboard by shaving my head, or dying my hair blue.  I have a pink one and a zebra striped one, and both of them are very subtle, but they really make me happy.  I did it more for myself than anyone else, and I think that's the way it should be.  I love to look in the mirror, and see the feathers dangling.

My stylist told me they should last four to six months, and they were a very reasonable price:  only $10 each!  I definitely thought that was a bargain compared to highlights!  I am not saying they are for everybody.  I am just saying that if you have been asking yourself  if you should get them and just can't decide, I'd definitely recommend you get them  :)  I say YAY! 

Image courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

Letter to My Future Self

Dear Future Self,

I wonder what you are like.  What did you decide to do with your life?  I hope you know, because I sure don't.  It's a tough thing:  deciding what you want to do every day for the rest of your life.

I am happy to know that you probably have a wonderful life partner.  If you didn't stick with Ryan, I'll be very disappointed in you.  I know he will always protect you and keep you safe.  You better keep him happy.

I hope the career you chose suits you.  I hope it is fulfilling, but also leaves you time for fun with family and friends.  I hope you are healthy, and still feel like a kid at heart.  Who knows, maybe you have kids of your own by now. 

Gosh, there is so much I want to know about you!  There are so many questions I want to ask you.  Did you ever get a tattoo, or any piercings besides your ears?  Where do you live?  Did you graduate college?  Are you married?  Do you have kids?  How many?  Of course you can't answer these questions for me yet.  I am just looking forward to finding out. 

I feel like I should end this letter with a profound piece of advice, but what can I tell you that you don't already know?  Maybe you should be giving me advice, but I know that isn't possible, though you are wiser and more experienced.  I guess you will just have to teach me what to do from day to day, as I gradually get older.  I bet you didn't do such a bad job with my - our - life.  :)

Love,

Me

Image courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

Figuring it Out

Trying to figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life isn't always a simple task.  How do you know if you are headed in the right direction?  It is kind of like putting a puzzle together.  There are so many pieces - so many possibilities.  Which one fits where?  Does it go here or there?

Where will I end up in this complex world full of choices and diversity, people and places, diversity and change?  Will I ever really fit in anywhere, or will I forever be stuck in the constant state of Limbo?  It's a thought provoking question, but there isn't really a definite answer.  Nobody ever really knows where they will end up from day to day.  There are plenty of know-it-alls that will tell you they know, but the truth is, only God knows for sure.

This is because wherever there is room for an answer, there is also room for a sliver of doubt.  We are merely humans; we can do very little to change the future.  We just have to sit back, relax, wait, and watch, as if the future is a movie playing right before our eyes...

Images courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

The Million Dollar Question.

“Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.” –Henry Miller


Is it possible to be too passionate about doing what you love?  Can you become so engrossed with one hobby, that your desire to do it eventually runs out?  It is a question that has been pestering my mind, as of late.  It is making me ask myself over and over again, “What do I really want to do with my life?”  What is more important to me in the future – having a family, or a successful career?  How do I see myself in 20 years?  Where will I end up?  There are so many questions; it can get to be totally overwhelming at times!  I know this happens to many college students, but I sure didn’t think I would be one of them!  I have had a plan set in place for awhile now!  I thought I knew without a doubt what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure. Lately, I cannot stop reevaluating everything.  I only hope that I can make the right decisions.  Thank God that everything happens for a reason. I hope that saying is true now, more than ever.

Arrogance is Ignorance.

Some people are just plain stuck up.  It's like they don't even get it.  It makes you wonder whether they have a really low or a really high self esteem.  Do they think they are so stinkin' awesome that they deserve to have their cake and eat it too?  Or are they really the opposite?  Are they just so unsure of themselves that they must annoy and insult those around them for a sense of self satisfaction? 

I think we all know a person like this.  If you don't, chances are you may be that person.  The question is, what do we do about these parasites who live off of attention?  They thrive on controversy centered around themselves, because that allows them to get the desired attention that they want without making it obvious.  It looks as if the starter of the controversy is the one who told the stuck up person off, while the stuck up person is just an innocent bystander.

No, the best thing to do is ignore them.  It will devastate their ginormous ego, and maybe you will help them realize that conceitedness does nothing for them.  Then again, maybe they won't realize this.  Maybe they are too caught up in their own little world.  However, at least you'll feel better!

Graphic courtesy of:  http://www.photobucket.com/

All We Need Is...

What is a true friend? This is a fairly cliche question, but does anyone really know the answer to it? Many people would say that a true friend is someone that you could call at 3 A.M. and he or she would come running if necessary. If this is the truth, I think that I have a lot more "true" friends than I realized.
But what if the like and admiration is not mutual? What if one person would do something for another person, but that person would not do the same for them? The fact is, you do not necessarily have to like someone to do something nice for them. Sometimes all it takes is having a little love in your heart. I can think of a few people off of the top of my head that I don't necessarily like, but I love them. I would be willing to help them out if they were really in need of a friend.
I also think that just because two people are not what you would call "close" does not mean that they cannot be true friends. A true friend is someone who would be there for you no matter what. A true friend is someone who loves you, without any inhibitions, expectations, or conditions. A true friend does not have to be someone that you are exceptionally close to, or a person that you see every day. Heck, I am almost inclined to believe that a true friend can be a stranger as long as that stranger cares about you. Isn't that what a friend is...someone who cares?

So Much to Gain.

A very close friend of mine led a Bible study tonight. I felt very overwhelmed by the love of God while he was speaking. In fact, I actually cried. Yes, that's right. Now, unless you know me very well, you probably don't know this, but I am actually not much of a crier. Sure, I cry every once in awhile, but usually more when I am mad than any other time.

However, for some reason tonight I felt moved. My friend was so into what he was saying. You could tell that he felt everything that he said with his whole heart. I know I am not always the best person that I could be. None of us are. If we do not have anyone else to go to though, we always have God. God is the only real constant. Period. No questions asked.

If you do not believe in God, I respect your opinion, and I will not bash it. I am not the kind of person who thinks I am better than anyone else because I believe in God. Those kinds of Christians are the ones who give the people who do believe a bad name.

No, I believe I am of the same equality as everyone else. I am just aware of Jesus Christ's free gift to me. When He died on the cross, he did it for ALL of us. He gave us all a chance, like the free space on a Bingo board. It is our choice whether to take it or leave it. All I ask of you after reading this, is to just please think about what I said. Give God a chance. There is nothing to lose, but there is so much to gain!

My Time to Decide.

I found the image to the left today, and I realized it kind of describes how I feel right now.

I remember walking in on the first day of high school. I felt as if I were a firefly finally being released from my secure, little jar of safety. While most of those around me were terrified, I was pretty darn excited! I was in a new town, and there were new people all around me. It may sound cliche, but I thought I could be whoever I wanted to be!

A few days into the beginning of my high school journey, I realized that it was not all it was cracked up to be. I turned from an eager new freshman into someone who wished she was invisible. I remember myself one day trying to count down the approximate days until graduation. Being a freshman (and especially one who sucked at math!) that was out of the question, and obviously did not work. I wished more than anything though that I could be a senior, and just finish that freshman chapter of my life.

I made it through freshman year, and sophomore year was much better due to a change in circumstances. All of my high school years have been much better, in fact. I have had to go through hardships just like everyone else, but I have also gotten used to high school. It is ordinary and familiar. It is the norm for me now, but soon everything will change...

I will suddenly be released from my second secure, little jar, and have to fly out into an unknown world. I will definitely not fly on my own, but I will have to be more in charge of what I do. I won't have all the second chances I did in high school.

Now it is my time to decide:
whether I choose to fall, or to light up the world and fly...

*Image used above courtesy of: http://www.tinypic.com/

Stuck On Pause.

She fights, she fights, and her head knows it's wrong, but her heart knows it's right!
She wants, but what good is wanting when everything seems grey?
She is stuck in a state of limbo.

The world seems to be moving along smoothly; it is as if someone has suddenly pushed the "fast-forward" button. Everyone got the memo but her; she is still stuck on "pause."

Her only constant is you, though you are just a mere dream...
She constantly questions herself.
She tries to analyze and rationalize,
but some things just cannot be analyzed or rationalized.

Some things just are.
And you are to her...
Can she ever be to you?

The Problem With Labels.

I found the picture above, and it really struck me as interesting. If you haven't already, read it carefully. A GENUINELY FAKE watch?! Well, I'll put that one on my Christmas list for sure!

Chances are, if that sign did not say that the watches were actually fake, people who were not that educated about watches might buy a watch, thinking that it is genuine. People might be confused when they first see this sign, but hopefully they will figure out what it means after a minute or two. THE WATCHES ARE FAKE! *Gasp!!!!!* It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

Think about it. What if everyone had a sign hanging on their chest that revealed a secret about them? Sure, your mama might have told you not to judge a book by it's cover, but honestly, haven't we all at some point?

Like the Bible in Matthew 7:3 says, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" That is a really good question. We get upset at people for judging as, but we continue to judge other people. Of course, it's natural. We are only human, though we should always try to show less judgment for those around us. That doesn't mean we should totally ignore people's flaws, but we should forgive them.

Yes, a good number of cheaters will still cheat, liars will still lie, and abusers will still abuse. However, the ones who actually do change will most likely still be cast out of society. They will still have that label for doing whatever it is that they did in the past. It is true; we deserve to know what they did for our own safety. The one thing that we need to remember though, is that we are all human. We all have made mistakes. We all have wronged someone. We all have had to put up with the consequences of our actions in one way or another, and we ALL have the ability to change. So despite our differences, we all have that one little thing in common, if nothing else.

We aren't really all that different than the watches really. Humans are constantly trying to overcome the negative labels that society has cast upon us. Maybe it is time to stop labeling so much, and start listening.

Going Away From the Flow.

Suddenly it hits her like a bucket of freezing water after just waking up in the morning. Everything that has been clogging up her brain finally releases itself from her head. The problem is that she doesn't know who she is anymore. Used to, these things seemed to be so easy to figure out for her. Now, she questions herself constantly. Am I happy or depressed? Am I really lonely, or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Am I trapped, or do I not want to be free?
She thinks maybe that this is just something everyone goes through, but she really doesn't know. She is tired of feeling numb, and full of emotions at the same time. However, it is hard when she never knows whether to show her emotions to other people, or to hide them. Who can she trust anymore? Honestly? The world keeps showing her over and over again that she can only trust herself, but yet she seems to trust others so easily! Sometimes, she doesn't know whether it's a blessing or a curse!
She is tired of just going with the flow and just waiting for something to happen, but what other choice does she have?! She wants to cannon ball into the water (freezing or not), but she doesn't even know how to jump! And if she did know how to jump, who would be there to catch her anyway? She is so unsure anymore. She wants to separate herself from the flow. She wants to flee from it with the burning passion resonating in her heart...
But how?

Why Hate When You Can Appreciate?

I am a person who strongly believes that there should be no hate in this world. I cannot say that I have never said that I hate someone, but I have never truly meant it. I know this may sound cheesy or downright corny, but I truly do love everyone in my own way. I care about people who probably wouldn't give me the time of day.


I think this quote says it all: "Hate cages all the good things about you." ~Madrianne Arvore


Hate is evil. It is cruel and a total waste of time. One of the reasons it exists at all is because people have nothing better to do with their time. It is just another thing to gossip about. People hate people because of the insecurities they have about themselves.


Many may wonder why I am as accepting of others as I am. My own mother questions the depth of my compassion. All I can say is that I don't know why I am this way. I do not know why I dwell on my past, or why I still care about the people who I haven't seen in ages.


Sometimes you really have to look for the goodness in a person, but I believe if you look long enough you will find the good in almost everyone. I think there is good in everyone even if it is so minimal that it is hidden underneath all of the bad.


First impressions---even second impressions---are not always right. Like they say you can't judge a book by its cover. I have learned this through numerous life experiences, and it is a bit of wisdom that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

You have to dig deep to know someone; you have to really care about getting to know them. Some people pass judgement before they even give their innocent victims a chance. That isn't fair. You have to take the time to get to know someone before you decide whether they are worth getting to know or not.

And You Wonder Why Tommy Can't Tie His Shoes...

I am sure a lot of you can remember when you learned to ride your bike, when you lost your first tooth, but what about when you first learned to tie your shoes? It is something that rarely, if ever, crosses our minds because it has become so habitual. Put on shoe. Make an 'x' with the laces. One lace goes under and then pull it tight. Make one bunny ear. Around the tree. Make another bunny ear...and viola! You've tied your shoe.

However today my lunch made me think about tying my shoes. Yes...you read it right; my lunch made me think about tying my shoes. Of course you ask why. Why would popcorn chicken have anything to do with tying your shoes?

You see, my meal was what is called a 'laptop' from KFC. (If you don't know what a laptop is, it is basically a kid's meal from KFC, and the box is in the shape of a laptop.) The box always has fun facts or games for young children to do. So I look down today, and I see detailed directions on how to tie your shoes!

Can't you just imagine this: "Mommy, I wanna learn how to tie my shoes! Teach me!" "Just read your box from KFC, honey. It explains everything." "Um, only one problem." "What is it Tommy?" "I can't read yet."

My question to KFC is: If a child is too young to tie their shoes, then how in the heck will they read the directions that explain how to do it?!?!

Out With the Old, In With the New!

Hey folks! The question I want to ask all of you today is why wear your old, worn-out, pair of shoes when a brand new pair has been given to you for free, no price?

Sure the old ones may be comfortable, and may seem familiar, but don't you also feel that rock wedged in the bottom that you just can't manage to dig out no matter how hard you try? I'm going to be straightforward here. That rock is most likely going to be there no matter how hard you try to get it out.

Take the new, clean, amazing, shoes you've been given and be HAPPY about it! It's not worth it to feel that rock jar into your foot every time you take a step. And before long those new shoes will become as familiar and even more comfy than the old ones.

And It's Not Supposed to be Like This; Unlucky in Love.

"And it's not supposed to be like this," she thinks. She doesn't know what to do because this is the first time she's experienced something like this, and Fate seems to be totally against it. God on the other hand is sending mixed signals.

She knows God gave us all free will for a reason, but is it a sin to wish sometimes that she was equivalent to a robot, and God would just make all of the decisions for her?

She also knows that she is not supposed to question God, but how can she not when it seems like she's so unlucky in love?

It seems as if every time she thinks it will finally be right it turns out wrong.

Thank You To Write Love on Her Arms.

I just finished an amazing story by a girl named Renee Yohe. She is the person who inspired the movement known as "To Write Love on Her Arms," and she has gone through so much more than most of us will ever have to go through. You think you have a lot of problems, well you read this book and then ask yourself that question again.
The book is called Purpose for the Pain, and of course I am in love with that title. I believe that there is a reason for everything, and even if something may seem like a misfortune now it could just be a blessing in disguise. I am not even sure how to describe this book in a way that will capture the emotion in this girl's story.
Most of the words in Purpose for the Pain were actually hand written journal entries by Renee herself. She has such a poetic way of describing things, and it makes you feel very sorry for her, but then you also feel so full of hope at the same time. You know that it will end up okay because she is still here today to talk about her experiences. She also thanks God for her blessings, and clearly states that her recovery and healing was all because of Him.
If you did not already know, hope is a very meaningful word to me. There was a time in my life when I do not know what I would have done without hope. There are still times in my life I do not know what else to do but hope. Hope is a foundation for so many people. There are people surviving, depending, relying on hope. We need to help give everyone hope. No matter how cheesy this sounds, we all need to pull together and save some lives.
To Write Love on Her Arms is an organization that gives so many people hope. I am sure it has saved many lives by just existing. It shows us that there is a point to our lives, and that we are not just living for ourselves. It is part of God's plan or else it would not be here. You are part of God's plan too, and that I think is one of the main reasons Purpose for the Pain was written. It was written to save lives. So please join me in supporting To Write Love on Her Arms. Go to the website and read the story of how it all started, and then read Purpose for the Pain, and know that there truly is a purpose for the pain.
http://www.twloha.com/
www.myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms