"And it's not supposed to be like this," she thinks. She doesn't know what to do because this is the first time she's experienced something like this, and Fate seems to be totally against it. God on the other hand is sending mixed signals.
She knows God gave us all free will for a reason, but is it a sin to wish sometimes that she was equivalent to a robot, and God would just make all of the decisions for her?
She also knows that she is not supposed to question God, but how can she not when it seems like she's so unlucky in love?
It seems as if every time she thinks it will finally be right it turns out wrong.